Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
