He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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