Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
3pm strippers are depressing
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize