just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
i think my cat just said my name.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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