in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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