you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
