yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
