I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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