i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
