i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Every concussion has its silver lining
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize