I have demons in me.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
