he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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