I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
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