When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
