I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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