This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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