Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
