my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
