he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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