I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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