Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
