So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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