I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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