You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
How external is "for external use only"?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize