I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
