So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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