One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
