I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize