I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
