Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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