You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
