The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
