I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
please come you make the beer taste better
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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