the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
So much rum. So many feels.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
