I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
