I CAN MOONWALK!
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
