cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
