it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
