We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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