Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
His hands were made for my vagina.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
