I'm going to jail i love you
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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