one word: firstdatebathroomanal
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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