I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
