1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
