He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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