I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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