let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize