You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
