I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
