Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
