either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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