After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
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