I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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