I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
She announced her abortion via fbk
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
