Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
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