I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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