If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
