suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
