You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
And then he peed in my hair
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