I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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