I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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