No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
