I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize