So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
