So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
is wine microwaveable?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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