think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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