i'm signing you up for texting rehab
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
