Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
