I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
