Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
