this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
