btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
