1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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