Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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