his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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