my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
