UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
