it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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