Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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