I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Randomize
