I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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