At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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